I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
