I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
