After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
