is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Holy sore nipples Batman
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
