meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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