I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my being single is dangerous.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize