I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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