Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize