They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
