The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
