Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
