Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
