I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
