If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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