finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
