I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
