I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the day after is always just damage control
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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