Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize