my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize