Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
