You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
