this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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