You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
