my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
