While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
