There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
