Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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