I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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