I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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