Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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