The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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