i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
