I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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