at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
