$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
