I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
