We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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