I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
