There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
