Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
