Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
