just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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