I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
