HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
