I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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