I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
