The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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