My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
