We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
