Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
