She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
