i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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