The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize