the condom got lost in my hair
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
