quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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