summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Randomize
