I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
