Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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