I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
