Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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