ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize