I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
