I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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