i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
