do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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