He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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