Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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