I want to make a zoo with you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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