so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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