Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
