I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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