I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
