then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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