Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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