I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
