***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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