I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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