A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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