He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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