READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
