I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
