I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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