Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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