ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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