i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
