I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
