Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
