Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
