There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
