You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
