If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
