Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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