He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
