So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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