Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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