I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
