All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
