So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
