I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
